Let’s talk about submission in marriage .many women struggle a lot with this word . And yet the bible say ‘ wives be submissive to your husband so that if any of them do not believe the word , they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives “ ( l Peter 3 vs 1-7) How far do we go when it comes to submission ? Most men take the word of God out of context to suit their need . I don’t have any issue or problem in submitting to my husband , but l have issue when it is not according to God’s way. Most marriages are polluted right now because men that are hooked on pornography have turned their wives to sex slaves to satisfied their addition . I have heard so many stories that saddened my heart about how men that are suppose to love and respect their wives as the bible say are using the power given to them to manipulate and satisfied their addiction. How can you say you respect your wife and yet you are having sex with her as lf you are sleeping with a prostitute ? Do you seriously know the meaning of respect ? It means you respect her body too. There is a difference between sex and making love. Most women have to compromise their belief because they want to keep roof over their head and protect their family and marriage . If the Bible say “ Love your wives just as christ loved the church and gave himself up for her and the bible continue to say “ Husbands ought to loves their wives as their own bodies . He who loves his wife loves himself . This scripture is very self explanatory and yet we miss it. I saw something interesting in the book of 1 Timothy 3 vs 1-7 . The bible was talking about Godlessness in the last days . But if you read vs 6 , it was describing the men who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak willed women. They are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires . I want to use this scriptures to warn women of the kind of men you say yes to and you are now oppressed and abused in your own home . If you are married to men like this, you will be forced to submit to their evil desire . Ladies don’t be silly , study your bible and pray before you say yes . Once you say yes , you cannot be arguing about submitting to his authority because the bible say in Ephesians 5 vs 22” wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife as christ is the head of the church . It will be so much easier if your husband submit to God , then it will be easier for you to submit to him. Many women struggle because they are married to men that are not godly and have no fear of God. The passage continue and say “ Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies . He who loves his wife loves himself . Ladies how can a man loves you if he doesn’t love himself ? You are asking for what he can not give . If you study this passage properly you will have a clear understanding of the roles of husband and wife . As a woman if you cannot submit to God’s word, you will find it difficult to submit to God . I want us to talk a bit about love because l realise many of us christian are using the world standard of love to the way we love . We don’t follow God ‘s guidance of love anymore . If the bible says the husband should love the wife the way christ loves the church ,that’s a deep love, agape love, remember Jesus died for us while we are still sinners , he did not say l will died when you get your life together . He demonstrated the love by dying on the cross . He even forgives the soldiers that brutally beat him and crucify him . They did not ask for forgiveness before he forgives them . My question is “ can we forgive our spouse without them asking for it , even we don’t forgive if they ask for it . If we study the 1 Corinthians 13 about love properly we will see how christ loved the church and how the husband should love the wife. One of the verses said “ Love keep no record of wrongs. This is very interesting right. Is that not one of the major causes of divorces. We can’t let go , we hold on to all the wrong your spouse has ever done to you and you comfort yourself by saying “ well l forgive but l can’t forget “ so that means you are disobeying God’s word. Who says forgiveness is easy ? But with God’s grace we can . Love is patient and love is kind. It does not envy and it does not boast . It is not proud .When the bible says “ love your wives the way christ loves the church “ this is what the bible was talking about . This is how he loves us . It goes on to say” Love always trust , always hopes , always perseveres and love never fails . Another major causes of divorce is lack of trust . You can not have a healthy relationship without trust . Most couple cannot trust each other if their lives depends on it . If the spouse says it’s raining outside , they will go and open the curtains to be sure . I know your heart has been broken many times and you find it difficult to trust again , but chasing and running after your spouse will not make it better. If your spouse want to cheat on you, you can not stop it but prayer can. My husband is a businessman and that means he is available to deal with anyone either a man or a woman. I have to trust him , or else he can not do his job. We communicate a lot and that keep me in picture of what he does . All l do is to pray for him that God will keep strange women away from him.
Paul in the book of Corinthians has a lot to say about sexual immorality and Christians in Corinth have so many questions too and so we Christians this day too. Christian in Corinth was surrounded by sexual temptation. The city had a reputation even among pagans for sexual immorality and religious prostitution. So what is new in our own society? I seriously believe its worst now. Women will be half naked dressed to church and our brothers can not worship freely. It’s sad that they have to deal with it in the office, on Tv, Billboard, social network and now in a place that was meant to be a sanctuary. No wonder our Christian men are corrupted and now polluting their matrimonial bed. They looked holy but you will be shocked at some of the atrocities committed behinds the closed doors. Paul said in the book of 1 Corinthians 6 vs 18 ” flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you know that your bodies are temples of the holy spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies.
The Corinthians needed specific instructions because of their culture ’immoral standards and l believe we do too in our generation.
Sexual temptations are difficult to withstand because they appeal to the normal and natural desires that God has given us. That’s why Paul said ” The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. The same applies to the husband. husband and wife should not deprive each other of sex except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. However, this is not a Scripture to back up rape in marriages. If your spouse is withholding sex from you, you need to search deep to know what is going on. Could it be your attitude or she/ he is going through some issues that put her or him off sex? Rape is not the answer. How can you claim to love your wife and you forced yourself on her? It’s disgusting and evil. That is not submission. You are not meant to have just sex with your spouse, you should make love to her. She is not a prostitute. She is a precious gift God has given to you. The Bible says ” He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the lord. No wonder most men are struggling because of how they are treating their wives. This is not an excuse either for a woman to abuse the privilege. Some women can be too difficult and complicated to love. No matter what the husband does, she will not be pleased. You can not except your husband to deal with all your baggage. Many people naively think that marriage will solve all their problems. They are some problems that marriage won’t solve.
Loneliness and deep emotional needs will not disappear because you are married. As wonderful as it is, marriage does not automatically solve every problem. Marriage is work even if you are married to a right person. Whether married or single, we must be content with our situation and focus on Christ, not on loved ones to help address our problems.
Marriage alone does not hold two people together, but commitment does- a commitment to Christ and each other despite conflicts and problems.
I was reading the book of Genesis the other day and when l got to Genesis 3 when God curses the woman for eating the forbidden fruit . I have read it over and over but i never connect it to relationship . There is nothing new under the sun . Everything that is happening in our lives and in the world can be found in the bible . The issue of control and who rules started from the beginning . God said to the woman because of what you have done “ you will desire your husband, but he will rule over you” this is not a blessing , it’s a curse , so if a man is ruling over his wife , the marriage is under a curse . Every woman have a tendency of longing to control your spouse but the man will claim to be in charge and want to rule and this always causes trouble and dispute in the marriage . If your husband is ruling in your home like a task master and there is a power struggle in your home , your marriage is still operating under the curse in the garden of Eden . We are to rule over the the fish in the sea and the bird in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground ( Genesis 1 vs 28) we are not to rule over a human being . This issue of ruling over a woman came as a result of sin . It’s not to be taken as what should be happening in our marriage . God said to the woman “ your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you “ How can a woman desiring her husband would be a bad thing? I will think is a good thing, but in this case, its a curse. So understanding of this verse is that woman and man would now have ongoing conflict. God is saying that Even would desire to rule over her husband, but her husband would instead rule over her. The battle of the sexes had begun. Both man and woman would now seek the upper hand in marriage. Remember that there was a harmony between Adam and Eve before they eat the forbidden fruit. They are having so much great time in the garden of Eden and at this point, I don’t think they have any issue with who is in charge. So much liberty that the woman eats the forbidden fruit after she was deceived by the serpent and gave it to the husband. I always wondered why Adam could not stop the wife from eating the fruit and say no to the wife knowing what God says to them about the fruit? Could it be that was the reason God curses the woman by putting the man in control and knowing the woman will desire to control too? The man who was to lovingly care for and nurture his wife would now seek to rule her, and the wife would desire to wrest control from her husband. God says that man and woman will live in conflict and their relationship will become problematic. The statement ” he shall rule over you ” is not a biblical command for men to dominate women. In the new testament, God affirms His ideal relationship between man and woman in marriage. What the curse of sin created, believers in Christ are called to correct by living according to God’s spirit. Ephesians 5 says that the wife should willingly submit to her husband ’s authority in the home and husbands are to love their wives unconditional and sacrificially, just as Christ loves the church. The whole passage begins with an emphasis on mutual submission to one another ” submit to one another out of reverence for Christ ( vs 21).
If your marriage is still operating under the curse in the old testament, you need a deliverance so you can enjoy your marriage. Marriage is beautiful if you can follow God’s guidance for marriage. You need to respect each other and work together and not against each other. Imaging watching ballet dancer dancing and they don’t have a rule of who is doing what because they both want to be in control. If the dancers do not know their parts, it will be disastrous. But if they work together and respect each other opinion as a team. They will both look great on the stage. For every successful man, there is a woman and vice versa. From the beginning, God ’s focus has been love and respect between husband and wife. Though the son has tainted the original beauty of this relationship, God commands believers in Christ to pursue this ideal relationship between husband and wife., an ideal perfectly illustrated in Christ ’s relationship with the church.
Let me finish with this story someone shared with me.
THIS WIFE WAS ASKED IF HER HUSBAND MADE HER HAPPY; HER RESPONSE WAS UNEXPECTED
What every wife needs to read, understand and live in her marriage if she wants to build her home.
During a class at Fresno Pacific University, a speaker asked one of the spouses in the audience:
“Does your husband make you happy?”
At this moment, the husband stood up straighter, showing complete confidence. He knew his wife would say yes, because she had never complained about anything during their marriage.
However, his wife answered the question with a resounding “No.”
“No, my husband does not make me happy.”
The husband was baffled, but his wife continued:
“My husband never made me happy and does not make me happy. I am happy.”
“Whether I am happy or not is not dependent on him, but on me. I am the only person on whom my happiness depends.
I choose to be happy in every situation and every moment of my life, for if my happiness depended on another person, thing or circumstance on the face of the Earth, I would be in serious trouble.
Everything that exists in this life constantly changes: the human being, the riches, my body, the climate, my boss, the pleasures, the friends, and my physical and mental health. I could quote an endless list.
I need to decide to be happy regardless of anything else that happens. Whether I own a lot or a little, I am happy! Whether I’m going out or staying home alone, I’m happy! Whether I am rich or poor, I am happy!
I am married but I was already happy when I was single.
I’m happy for myself.
Other things, people, moments or situations are experiences that might cause joy or sadness. When someone I love dies, I am a happy person in an inevitable moment of sadness.
I learn from past experiences and I live those that are eternal like loving, forgiving, helping, understanding, accepting and consoling.
There are people who say: Today I cannot be happy because I am sick, because I have no money, because it is very hot, because it is very cold, because someone insulted me, because someone stopped loving me, because I don’t know how to love myself, because my husband changed, because my children do not make
me happy, because my friends do not make me happy, because my job is mediocre and so on.
I love my life not because my life is easier than anyone else’s, but because I have decided to be happy as an individual. I am responsible for my happiness.
When I take this obligation from my husband and anyone else, I free them from the burden of carrying me on their shoulders. It makes everyone’s life much lighter.
And that’s how I’ve had a successful marriage for so many years.”
Never give anyone else the responsibility to control your happiness. Be happy, even if it’s hot, even if you’re sick, even if you do not have money, even if someone has hurt you, even if someone does not love you and even if you do not value yourself.